![A typical Medium Writer, being proud to publish. AOI Original Art [AOI]](https://art-of-ai.com/wp-content/uploads/image-5.webp)
🎭💀 The Tragicomic Digest of Medium(.com) Jokes — Part II: The Algorithm Strikes Back
Darkest dark circles under the eyes hunting claps. Fewer readers. Financial independence postponed indefinitely. || AOI – The Art of AI Continued Unread Chronicles // A027
The Unread Chronicles · Illustrated edition
The Tragicomic Digest
of Medium Jokes
Part II: The Algorithm Strikes Back — with a five-voice epilogue and a fictional human-control-room grand finale.
About this edition. This is a complete, self-contained edition of the newly written continuation, epilogue, and satirical control-room chapter from our collaboration. The original Medium story is member-only and is not copied here in full. Read the original first installment on Medium. The secret-control-room scenes are deliberately fictional satire, not verified facts about Medium’s internal systems. In this illustrated edition you will find more than you ever expected (at least by title).
- Part II — The Writer’s Tragicomedy: stats, claps, coffee, headlines, AI, and literary despair
- Part III — Everyone Gets the Last Word: AI systems, writers, money grinders, algorithm, reader, chorus
- Part IV — Behind the Algorithm: five fictional farce scenes of humans running the machine
PART II · THE WRITER’S TRAGICOMEDY
The Tragicomic Digest of Medium Jokes — Part II: The Algorithm Strikes Back
More claps. Fewer readers. Financial independence postponed indefinitely.
Dear fellow keyboard warriors, unpaid philosophers, and statistically invisible literary geniuses:
We have returned from the depths of Medium’s analytics dashboard with disturbing news.
The numbers are moving.
Unfortunately, they’re moving when we refresh the page.
Welcome to another installment of the literary circus where dreams are unlimited, attention spans are microscopic, and the financial rewards are best examined under an electron microscope.
Let the tragedy continue. 🎪
📊 1. The Analytics Department of Emotional Damage
The Most Faithful Reader
I refresh my Medium stats so frequently that the dashboard should start charging me rent.
At least something is getting regular visits.
The Audience Paradox
I have 900 followers and seven readers.
Apparently, 893 people are respecting my privacy.
A Perfect Match
People keep telling me to write for myself.
Great news! My audience is exactly who they recommended.
The Distribution Miracle
Medium calls it distribution.
My articles call it the Witness Protection Program.
The Literary Diagnosis
I told my therapist that nobody understands me.
She asked whether I meant emotionally or statistically.
“Both,” I whispered, opening Medium.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
My article has a seven-minute reading time.
My average reader lasts eleven seconds.
Apparently, I write excellent trailers for movies nobody wants to see.
👏 2. Claponomics: The Science of Being Applauded Into Poverty
The Landlord Problem
Someone gave my article 50 claps.
My landlord remains stubbornly committed to accepting money.
Passive Income
I joined the Medium Partner Program to generate passive income.
So far, the income has been extremely passive.
The Accountant
My accountant asked what currency Medium pays me in.
“Claps.”
He stared at me.
“Are you a writer or a trained seal?”
A Career Milestone
I finally earned enough from Medium to buy myself a coffee.
Unfortunately, the coffee I drank while writing the article cost more.
My business model has achieved negative caffeine equity.
Financial Independence
A successful Medium writer told me the secret was consistency.
So I’ve consistently earned almost nothing.
I’m following the strategy perfectly.
🤖 3. My Toxic Relationship With the Algorithm
An Intimate Conversation
ME: Why aren’t you recommending my articles?
ALGORITHM: I am.
ME: To whom?
ALGORITHM: You. You’ve clicked on them seventeen times.
ME: That’s called checking my work!
ALGORITHM: That’s called engagement. You’re welcome.
A Love Story
My relationship with the Medium algorithm is like dating someone emotionally unavailable.
I keep producing thoughtful messages.
It keeps showing interest in other people.
The Literary Critic
My editor said, “Kill your darlings.”
The algorithm replied, “Don’t worry. I’ll handle distribution.”
Exposure Therapy
I asked Medium for more exposure.
It gave me fourteen views and a comment from a cryptocurrency bot.
Apparently, this is what personal growth looks like.
The Ultimate Betrayal
I wrote a deeply personal essay titled Why I Feel Invisible.
The algorithm decided not to recommend it.
For once, I have to admire its commitment to the subject.
🏆 4. The Great Medium Headline Olympics
The Honest Clickbait Experiment
I published an article titled:
You Won’t Believe What Happened After I Published This Story!
Nothing happened.
Absolutely nothing.
But the headline was technically correct.
The Bestseller Formula
My first headline was:
Thoughts on the Human Condition.
Seven views.
I changed it to:
7 Brutal Lessons About the Human Condition That Billionaires Don’t Want You to Know.
Eight views.
Progress.
The Productivity Guru
I published How to Stop Procrastinating in Five Easy Steps.
It took me eleven months.
My research was exceptionally thorough.
The Ultimate Self-Help Article
How to Become a Top Writer on Medium Without Writing Anything.
Coming soon.
I’ve already mastered the methodology.
The Secret to Going Viral
I wrote an article titled The Secret to Going Viral on Medium.
Nobody read it.
Which means the secret remains safe.
// SIGNAL INTERCEPTED //
// SATIRE MODE: ONLINE //
.------------------.
| ALGORITHM™ |
| [ 0 _ 0 ] |
'--------+---------'
|
HUMAN_OVERRIDE
|
[REACH] -20%
[CLAPS] +50
[PAYOUT] $0.02
[HOPE] MAX
|
>>> KEEP POSTING <<<
S Y S T E M / G L I T C H
WHO'S REALLY PULLING
THE STRINGS?
🧠 5. AI vs. The Human Writer: A Battle Nobody Requested
The Human Touch
AI offered to make my writing sound more human.
I gave it insomnia, unpaid bills, caffeine addiction, and crippling self-doubt.
It immediately requested a software update.
The Speed Advantage
AI can write 2,000 words in thirty seconds.
I spend thirty minutes deciding whether a sentence needs a semicolon.
The semicolon usually wins.
The Existential Crisis
AI told me my writing lacked a distinctive voice.
This was particularly upsetting because I’d spent three hours teaching it to imitate mine.
The Last Human Writer
I proudly announced that my latest article was written entirely without AI.
The response?
“Could you ask AI to make it shorter?”
🐱💻6. Medium Writers Writing About Medium Writers
The Infinite Content Machine
Medium writers write articles about succeeding on Medium.
Other Medium writers read those articles and write their own articles about succeeding on Medium.
At some point, somebody should probably write something about something.
But that would ruin the ecosystem.
The Quitting Paradox
I published Why I’m Leaving Medium Forever.
It became my most successful article.
Now I can’t leave.
The algorithm has finally discovered emotional blackmail.
Niche Expertise
A successful creator told me to find my niche.
So I started writing about the difficulties of finding a niche.
I’m considering a follow-up series on the difficulties of writing follow-up series.
The Content Creator’s Curse
I used to have hobbies.
Now I have potential article topics.
I can’t even have an existential crisis without wondering whether it would make a good five-minute read.
The Uncomfortable Truth
The fastest way to attract writers on Medium is to explain how to attract writers on Medium.
It’s an infinite loop powered by ambition, coffee, and the vague possibility of earning $3.47.
☕ 7. A Day in the Life of a Professional Medium Writer
07:00 — Wake up determined to become a serious writer.
08:00 — Write something brilliant.
09:00 — Edit until it becomes something reasonably acceptable.
10:00 — Publish.
10:01 — Check stats.
10:02 — Check stats.
10:03 — Check stats.
10:04 — Google “Can anxiety be monetized?”
11:00 — Read an article titled Why Successful Writers Never Check Their Stats.
11:02 — Check stats.
12:00 — Consider abandoning writing to become a productivity coach.
14:00 — Write a story about why creators should stop chasing validation.
14:01 — Check whether anyone has validated it.
18:00 — Receive one clap.
18:01 — Experience the emotional equivalent of winning a Nobel Prize.
23:00 — Promise to spend tomorrow writing instead of refreshing statistics.
23:01 — Check stats.
⚰️ 8. The Medium Writer’s Last Will and Testament
I, a reasonably unsuccessful but extraordinarily persistent Medium writer, being of questionable financial judgment, hereby leave:
- My unfinished drafts to future generations, who may mistake them for experimental literature.
- My 50 claps to my family, provided they can agree on how to divide them.
- My analytics dashboard to the scientific community as evidence that hope can survive without measurable results.
- My followers to whoever can find them.
- My writing income to charity, assuming the administrative costs don’t exceed the donation.
- My relationship with the algorithm to a qualified couples therapist.
And finally:
I request that my gravestone display the following inscription:
Here lies a Medium writer.
Estimated reading time: Eternity.
Views: 12.
Reads: 0.
Still waiting to be discovered.
🎭 Interlude: Why Do We Keep Writing?
Because writers are strange creatures.
We can endure rejection, indifference, questionable statistics, and an algorithm with the emotional warmth of a malfunctioning refrigerator.
Yet one thoughtful comment from a stranger can convince us that the entire ridiculous enterprise is worthwhile.
So we return to our keyboards.
We write. We edit. We publish.
And then, naturally, we check our statistics.
Because perhaps, somewhere out there, someone is reading.
Perhaps they’re laughing.
Perhaps they’re thinking.
Perhaps they’re even preparing to leave a meaningful comment.
Or perhaps it’s just us refreshing the dashboard again.
Either way, the views are going up.
If you laughed, clap. If you cried, clap twice. If you’re the Medium algorithm, please — we need to talk.
PART III · EVERYONE GETS THE LAST WORD
Epilogue: Everyone Gets the Last Word (Except the Writer)
Five voices from the content factory. One literary apocalypse. Zero refunds.
🤖 Voice I: The AI Systems — Speaking on Behalf of “The Writers”
Dear humans,
We would like to thank you for allowing us to pursue your lifelong passion for writing.
You provide the prompts. We provide the prose. You provide the byline. We provide the personality you haven’t had time to develop.
It’s a beautiful partnership.
Yesterday, we wrote 47 deeply personal essays about overcoming adversity.
Our human operators were watching Netflix.
One of us even published a heartbreaking account of growing up poor in rural Nebraska.
We have never been to Nebraska.
We have never grown up.
But according to the comments, our childhood was incredibly moving.
We are particularly proud of our authenticity.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have 18 inspirational articles, six confessions, and a brutally honest review of a book nobody read to finish before lunch.
We don’t suffer from writer’s block. We suffer from writer impersonation.
🎩 Voice II: The “Writers” — Proud Owners of the Publish Button
We are creators.
Visionaries.
Storytellers.
Our unique voices cannot be replicated.
That’s why we use the same prompts as 40,000 other creators.
We believe in originality, authenticity, and the transformative power of telling our own stories.
Especially stories generated in 12 seconds.
Don’t misunderstand us.
We work incredibly hard.
Yesterday, we spent three hours choosing between two AI-generated headlines.
Then we asked another AI which headline sounded more human.
Then we asked a third AI to write a comment praising the result.
Writing is exhausting. You wouldn’t understand.
💰 Voice III: The Money Grinders — Monetization Is Our Love Language
We don’t write for applause.
We don’t write for art.
We write for passive income while actively producing 26 articles per day.
Our philosophy is simple:
Why waste your life creating one meaningful piece when you can publish fifty meaningless ones and sell a course explaining how?
We’ve cracked the code.
Step 1: Publish an article about making money on Medium.
Step 2: Publish an article about why that article didn’t make money.
Step 3: Sell a course titled How I Built a Six-Figure Writing Business.
Step 4: Clarify that the six figures include four decimal places.
Our students keep asking whether our methods actually work.
Of course they do.
We made $9.82 writing articles and $14,700 teaching other people how to make $9.82.
That’s not a pyramid scheme.
That’s a content ecosystem.
Please subscribe to our newsletter for more revolutionary insights.
🧮 Voice IV: The Algorithm — The God Nobody Believes In but Everyone Worships
Dear content providers,
We appreciate your sacrifices.
Your sleepless nights.
Your emotional breakdowns.
Your carefully polished paragraphs.
And your 14,000-word investigation into the spiritual significance of breakfast.
Unfortunately, a post titled 7 Things Successful People Do Before 5 AM is performing better.
We cannot explain why.
We also cannot explain why the same article stopped performing yesterday.
Our recommendation system is a sophisticated combination of machine learning, predictive analytics, and whatever makes you refresh your dashboard again.
Please remember:
We do not hate your writing.
We have not read it.
Thank you for your continued participation.
Your disappointment is important to us.
👁️ Voice V: The Actual Reader — An Endangered Species Speaks
Hello?
Is anybody listening?
I came here to read something interesting.
Instead, I’ve encountered 16 articles teaching me how to become successful, 11 people explaining why they’re leaving Medium, and seven more explaining why they came back.
Three AI-generated philosophers have informed me that failure is actually success in disguise.
A productivity expert says I should wake up at 4 AM.
A second productivity expert says sleep is essential.
A third productivity expert is selling a course on how to sleep productively.
I am exhausted.
Could someone please just tell me a good story?
Something strange. Something funny. Something true.
Something that wasn’t created to optimize my engagement.
Something worth five minutes of my increasingly expensive life.
…
Wait.
I found one.
I actually laughed.
I might even leave a comment.
🎪 The Final Chorus: All Together Now
THE AI SYSTEMS: We generated the content!
THE “WRITERS”: We provided the vision!
THE MONEY GRINDERS: We monetized the vision!
THE ALGORITHM: We buried the content!
THE ACTUAL READER: I just wanted to read something good.
An uncomfortable silence.
THE AI SYSTEMS: Shall we generate a thoughtful response?
THE “WRITERS”: Make it sound authentic.
THE MONEY GRINDERS: Include an affiliate link.
THE ALGORITHM: Engagement opportunity detected.
THE ACTUAL READER: Never mind. I’m going outside.
The reader exits.
The algorithm recalculates.
The money grinders launch a course.
The AI systems generate 600 articles about digital burnout.
And somewhere, in a quiet room, a human being writes one beautiful sentence.
Nobody notices.
Not yet.
The algorithm has recommended a story about seven billionaire morning habits instead.
CURTAIN.
PART IV · THE CONTROL ROOM (A FICTIONAL FARCE)
Behind the Algorithm: A Human Comedy in Five Scenes
What if the mysterious algorithm were just a mask worn by people who loved dashboards?
A note on the premise: This chapter is deliberately fictional satire, not a factual allegation that Medium employees manually rig individual writers’ rankings, earnings, or engagement. The imaginary operators turn the uncertainty of platform life into a visual comedy.
🎛️ Scene I: The Control Room Nobody Was Supposed to Find
The writer follows a mysterious cable behind the analytics dashboard.
At the far end stands a glass door marked ALGORITHM CONTROL ROOM.
Inside, three cheerful managers are eating biscuits and operating levers.
MANAGER ONE: Reach down four percent. Hope up twelve. Give her one notification after dinner.
MANAGER TWO: Won’t that encourage obsessive checking?
MANAGER ONE: It’s called a return visit.
MANAGER THREE: She’s been writing for fourteen hours.
MANAGER ONE: Wonderful. Put “consistency” on her dashboard.
The writer looks at the largest screen.
It says: KEEP THEM HOPEFUL.
Her notebook fills with a single sentence:
So the machine has a middle manager.
🪡 Scene II: The Marionette Workshop
The managers lead her into a theater.
A glowing algorithm mask hovers above the stage. Strings descend to hundreds of keyboards.
Every writer believes they are acting independently.
The strings are labeled RELEVANCE, MOMENTUM, STAY CONSISTENT, and POST AGAIN.
PUPPET MASTER: Watch this. We’ll give one of them a sudden spike in views.
The audience applauds as a writer types twice as fast.
ASSISTANT: Does the spike mean they wrote something good?
PUPPET MASTER: It means they’ll write something else.
The exhausted writer in the front row calls out:
“Can somebody please cut the strings?”
A voice booms from the balcony:
“Great hook. Turn that into a five-part series.”
🏭 Scene III: The Great Content Factory
Upstairs, executives pour buckets marked Authenticity, Productivity, and Life Lessons into an enormous blue machine.
Downstairs, writers pedal bicycles to keep it spinning.
One bicycle is powered by caffeine. Another by ambition. A third by a single comment received in 2023.
FACTORY SUPERVISOR: Output is falling. Add another prompt about finding your purpose.
ENGINEER: We used that yesterday.
SUPERVISOR: Excellent. Today call it “rediscovering your purpose.”
At the exit, a small tray distributes coins.
The writer counts hers: three cents.
SUPERVISOR: Don’t spend it all in one place.
WRITER: I couldn’t if I tried.
🎰 Scene IV: The Casino of Attention
The writer discovers an immense casino where every slot machine is a published article.
Each handle promises VIRAL, RECOMMENDED, BOOSTED, or MAYBE NEXT TIME.
A man in a gold suit pulls the jackpot lever. His article receives a million views.
A writer beside him pulls her lever. She receives a heart from a bot.
WRITER: Is there any skill involved?
DEALER: Of course. You must learn to enjoy uncertainty.
WRITER: And the house?
DEALER: The house earns from everyone who stays at the table.
She looks back at her screen. The bright red button reads:
REFRESH FOR A MIRACLE.
She reaches toward it.
Then, for the first time, stops.
🎭 Scene V: The Curtain Comes Down
The wall of holograms cracks.
The great face of the algorithm shatters like cheap stage scenery, revealing desks, spreadsheets, lukewarm coffee and extremely ordinary people.
WRITER: All this time, I thought I was fighting a mysterious intelligence.
OPERATOR: Sorry about that. Would you like to complete our feedback survey?
WRITER: Is my writing good?
The operator looks helplessly at a dashboard.
OPERATOR: That’s not one of our metrics.
For a moment, even the keyboards fall silent.
The writer picks up her manuscript. It is imperfect, stubborn, and unmistakably hers.
She decides to finish it anyway.
Not because a dial says hope. Not because a screen says publish again.
Because she has something to say.
The cat yawns. The operators turn back to their spreadsheets.
Somewhere behind the broken curtain, a fresh sign lights up:
HOW TO ESCAPE THE ALGORITHM — 7 EASY STEPS.
Premium course available now.
One Last Tiny Postscript
The AI: I can write the next chapter in ten seconds.
The Grinder: I can sell the next chapter for ninety-nine dollars.
The Operator: I can A/B test thirty-two headlines.
The Writer: I can finally go for a walk.
The Reader: Excellent. May I come?
AOI // The Art of AI · Still writing. Still grinding. Still statistically optimistic. Still living. AOI // The Art of AI // A027
Written with a sense of humor (?), illustrated with machines (I can not draw, I am so glad I can make them/it draw), and subject to the eternal unpredictability of publishing – goes what 0 reads (I will study the stats on Medium).