📊📉Humor is cheaper than therapy …

We distilled Stats, Coffee, and Tears — Hope to Give You a LOL* Amid the Grind! // F005(V1.1) / AOI << (_._) SM

Note: this article is also on Medium .:READ:.

We Will Give You Everything — EVERYTHING

Ah, gentle Medium scribes, prithee lend me your ears (and your claps)! Forsooth, I, *** *******, hath ventured from the eternal quill to this curious contraption known as a “blogging platform.” The art of storytelling lives on, but here, in the domain of newsletters and algorithmic whims, ’tis not enough to pen verse sweet. Nay, one must employ wit, memes, and the sharp sting of satire to beguile the reader.

Behold, we have listicled jests, of various humors, to tickle thy ribs and inspire thy keystrokes. Whether thou art a new Medium scribe or a seasoned bard of the blogging realm, thou shalt find mirth herein.

Enjoyeth!

.. not yet ..

In thy journey as a Medium scribe, humor shall be thy guiding light. Remember, whether thou writeth about productivity, love, or existential dread, the key to success is to laugh, to learn, and to always keep writing. Now, prithee, share this blog with thy fellow bards — and may thy stories forever trend!

Only afterwards, you shall lift thy spirit and sharpen thy pen!

Enjoyeth!

The draft folder on Medium is the Bermuda Triangle of ideas.

The Digest —SECTION I (SMS)

The Digest — SECTION A (OH)

• Why don’t Medium writers ever quit? Because then they’d have to admit they spent hours writing for $0.12.
• Writing on Medium is like gambling, except you’re playing against an algorithm instead of luck.
• “Time Spent Reading: 2 seconds” — A reminder that no one actually cares.
• Writers don’t need imposter syndrome; their stats handle that for them.
• My most successful Medium post? The one I accidentally deleted.
• Writing is like therapy, except your audience is actively judging you.
• Medium earnings: A humbling reminder that you should’ve stuck to your day job.
• Every time a writer checks their stats, a fairy loses its wings.
• Medium’s dashboard is a mirror of your soul: bleak, empty, and full of unmet potential.
• Writing on Medium: The act of spending hours perfecting a story that no one will read.
• “Just write for fun!” — said no one who’s ever had a story flop.
• Why do writers write? Because talking to people is scarier.
• Medium views are like ghost stories: You never actually see them.
• Writers spend months crafting a masterpiece, only for the algorithm to recommend “10 Ways to Peel an Avocado.”
• Medium earnings: The quickest way to feel broke and artistic at the same time.
• Why don’t Medium writers sleep? Because their dreams can’t be monetized.
• Writing is cheaper than therapy, but it’s also less effective.
• “The algorithm is your friend” — If your friends actively ignored you.
• Medium stats: Where your self-worth goes to die.
• Writing is like love: Mostly painful, with brief moments of joy.

Our process: Write, edit, delete, rewrite, overthink, and then never publish. (True for 99% of all the cases)

The Digest — SECTION B (DH)

The Digest — SECTION C

“Medium: Where your deepest thoughts meet an algorithm that prefers ’10 Ways to Fold a T-Shirt’ over existential brilliance.”

The Digest — SECTION D (W&P)

• Writing about procrastination? Call it “Waiting for Claps.”
• Medium writers love their “niche” — as long as they don’t have to actually write about it.
• I wanted to write about fitness, but I just couldn’t “work out” the content.
• Writers don’t make typos; they make “authentic mistakes.”
• Why do Medium writers love irony? Because it’s the only thing sharper than their pens.
• My writing process? One “write” step at a time.
• Writers don’t quit — they just take a long “pun-ishment” break.
• My favorite type of story? A real “page-turner,” even if Medium doesn’t have pages.
• Why did the writer bring a ladder? To reach new heights in creativity.
• A Medium writer’s motto: “You can’t spell ‘failure’ without ‘fun.’”
• Writing is a “word-iful” journey with lots of “plot holes.”
• Medium’s earnings system? It’s “pun-ishingly” small.
• Why don’t Medium writers write poetry? Because it doesn’t “rhyme” with earnings.
• Writers are just “prose-titutes” working for claps.
• Writing about food? Be sure to “season” your story with tasty puns.
• Why did the writer write about fishing? To reel in readers.
• Writing about minimalism? Keep it short, but not so short it’s “pointless.”
• My Medium stats? Let’s just say they’re “sub-plotting” my downfall.
• Writers don’t “break” writer’s block; they “write” through it.
• Why did the writer visit the library? To “check out” new ideas.

— UNRELATED CUT // USUALLY THE ADVERTISEMENT —

Medium algorithm excerpts: A little extra for the programming connoisseurs out there.

class MediumWriter:
    def __init__(self, name):
        self.name = name
        self.views = 0
        self.claps = 0

    def publish(self, article):
        try:
            if not article:
                raise ValueError("Article is empty. Did you forget to overthink it?")
            print(f"{self.name} published: {article}")
            self.simulate_performance()
        except ValueError as e:
            print(f"Error: {e}")
        except ZeroDivisionError:
            print("Warning: The algorithm divided your potential by zero.")
        finally:
            print("End of publishing cycle. Time to cry over stats.")

    def simulate_performance(self):
        import random
        self.views = random.randint(0, 100)
        self.claps = random.randint(0, self.views // 2)
        if self.views == 0:
            raise ZeroDivisionError("No one viewed your masterpiece.")

        print(f"Stats: {self.views} views, {self.claps} claps. Still broke, though.")


# Create a Medium writer
writer = MediumWriter("Aspiring Bard")

# Attempt to publish an article
writer.publish("10 Ways to Survive as a Medium Writer")

Here, we’d typically dive into our other reads, but alas, it’s getting late now… Stay tuned for the next update!

Update 1: .. forgot it.

#F005 Fun / The Art of AI / 🐱‍💻SMS🐱‍💻 / (_._) / 2024

👺The Art of AI (aka Art of AI, aka AOI): is a longtime experiment, with unknown ending. We currently do not work on our island in the binary ocean https://art-of-ai.com/.
👺More visual, generated art on Instagram (might be outdated), we* are happy about interaction (does usually not occur). Use likes and comments here or on Insta, reshare on Twitter/X, you can even drop a buck (KOFI) to cover the expenses (and/or get yourself some specials). We have also an unkown Youtube Channel (we created for an article, expect not much of it). 👺We supervized and harnessed AI tools to compose this article, harmonizing and reshaping with the central focus of our ongoing endeavor “The Art of AI” experiment, from which we distill and share our discoverAIs and pAIces. Rewrites and updates can be possible, we allow evolution.

• We or I — it depends on the mental condition and the daily mode and mood.